Struggles

Losing Stella has put me into such deep water in my life it is hard to even sleep, let alone deal with anything the average person doesn't even have to think about. My marriage is on the rocks and i am having an even harder time functioning because of that. I mean what kind of husband DOES NOT congratulate his wife on a new job when he has been jumping down her throat to get one!?!? I swear NOTHING is ever good enough for him. It is such a struggle between us everyday. I am hoping some counseling can breakdown some of these battle walls we've put up between each other. I really struggle to stay happy, even for a whole day its a battle. I have deep down ache inside my soul that flairs up when my husband and i are having a hard time. For me to heal from this i  need his support or i mine as well be on my own, since that is how it seems to be right now, but i am aching to have him with me, and he denies me, day after day, night after night. Shit like that make you feel so worthless its it really unbearable. I feel deep in me that he doesn't want to even deal with me at all. I am scared this is what is going to kill our marriage all together. Then once i gain my own strength again on my own he will hunt me down like he did before and kill me slowly all over again. I wish God would just storm out of the sky and tell me what to do. Seems everything in my life is gone astray. FML.