I have been thinking about the letter i wrote to my MW. I hope it was the right move. I really don't like making people feel bad, and that was not my intent, but i am sure it will stir up some emotions in her. I would like to think so anyways and hope so. I just really want to avoid this from happening to anyone else dreaming of a homebirth, perfect MW and healthy baby. My experience turned out to be the worst nightmare i hadn't even conceived as being possible to occur. sigh........the worst. Everyone tells me it could've been worse, but if it was that wouldve included my demise, and i wouldn't have minded honestly. Or a hysterectomy, well Matt doesn't want anymore children with me, so he wouldve LOVED that outcome :(
What is worse then? I hate when people tell me that.
Last night i had come aweful dreams. The kind where your balling and crying out and leaves you saddned and confused upon waking.
I will have to write it up in my dream blog and interpret it.
*I interpreted the dream and BOY does it make sense! Here is a link to the Blog and Interpretation:
http://dreamwithme-kkaye.blogspot.com/2011/04/construction-zone.html
Well its one of those Mondays where i shouldn't spend too much time on the computer, i am off to dream blog then clean, clean, clean all day long. Boy do i wish i had a 5 month old here keeping me busy.
hope you all have a wonderful Monday.
Krystal
Stella, I love you my dear. Thank you for sending mommy some peace the last few days. Please touch your fathers heart. We need that connection through you. I miss you so very much. Sending kisses and hugs to heaven. XOXO
always, mommy
1 comments:
I am proud of you for finding the strength to send that letter to the MW. It was a big move, and I pray that it makes a difference for you, the MW and others that she serves.
I don't agree with those who say "it could have been worse". For you, losing your child was the worst. It could have been worse for ME, I could have lost my sister along with my niece. I can't imagine the pain of losing one of my children. To me, nothing could be worse. It could have been worse for Eli and Bris, they could have lost their mother. Matt could have lost his wife.
I thank God that you are still here with us, even broken. You may not ever be the exact same ever again, but you are still Krystal. Things will get better, and we are all here to support you through thick and thin.
Your little note to Stella at the end made me cry. I miss that little Princess. I too am thankful that she is showing you signs (hearing her name) that she is ok, and comforting you. I hope that Matt can feel her presence too. I love you!
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