So i am not sure if my depression is causing me to become ill or vise versa.... Just got back from the urgent care clinic and got put on antibiotics (yuck) Suppose i am infected. I wish they wouldve told me i was pregnant...sigh. No such luck. I hope this medicine they gave me can restore some of my energy. Lord knows i have been lacking GREATLY in any kind of gusto or energy towards ANYTHING. If it were possible, i would lie in this bed until the good Lord took me home. Today, i have an excuse and i will lay here in bed all day. Why not? The weather SUCKS, i feel like crap and i have an excuse. AND my husband is occupied with his new toy (one of MANY lately) that cost us a grand, in the basement trying his darnedest to "scratch" records with his buddy. sigh.....why do i always feel tortured? Jokes on me, ha h ha God, this can stop now. seriously. I had a dream i was nursing last night. 2 children, a boy and a girl. The girl was smaller and i remember looking at her and telling her i wished she was here. She had dark hair and was beautiful. I also remember knowing that neither of them were mine. :( I miss you Stella. I miss life too. This one i have now i hate, i hate who i am now too. I am sick of feeling and thinking the way i do. I just want to be done.
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