My Journey throuh Hell in hopes to find Heaven and my little star waiting for me up there. Warning: Not wirtten in any sugar coated, rainbow farting unicorn style. This is the deep dark, REAL truth to the emotions and feelings that come along with losing a child. You can find Stella's complete birth story --->HERE<---.Thank you for reading. I hope this helps others going through such tragic times as much as writing each day helps me grieve and cope.
So today marks the first day back on FB. I quit my FB addiction for 46days through lent. It wasn't as bad as i thought at all. Today i sat for a good hour and went through all the messages and updates and what not on there, cleaned a few friends off my "friend list" and chatted with a friend i have not seen since i stopped the FB thing. Its strange how it seems like i just fell of the face of the earth for so many of the people on there. I kinda feel like i was in some abyss unknown to anyone. I missed out on all sorts of events while i was not on FB. It seems that everyone thinks that if you send out invites through FB that everyone will get the invite and know, just because they are on a list. Little did many know i wasn't on there for 46 days and didn't get any of these invites. It is just so funny how everyone can assume that every other single person on their friends list has the same crazy FB addiction and is on numerous times a day. I am sticking to the one a day limit. I have to. I cant fall back into the craziness of the social network of FB. I have turned into quite a hermit since Stella died, i dont leave the house much, and dont really like it when i do. If i fall back into this FB crap, i will most likely form some twisted life that is only lived online. That shit cant be healthy. I need to find a way back into the world through a physical presence, or i may just loose my mind!
I was also reading the Bible through these last 46 days. At first reading Proverbs was pretty intimidating, there are some high bars to reach in those chapters! Many of which i did on daily basis. I clearly see how much of a fool i have been living through my life. It was a hard look at my life, and i hope i have come through a wiser person and can be a better person from day to day.
Proverbs 1
Purpose and Theme
1 The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel: 2 for gaining wisdom and instruction;
for understanding words of insight; 3 for receiving instruction in prudent behavior,
doing what is right and just and fair; 4 for giving prudence to those who are simple,[a]
knowledge and discretion to the young— 5 let the wise listen and add to their learning,
and let the discerning get guidance— 6 for understanding proverbs and parables,
the sayings and riddles of the wise.[b] 7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge,
but fools[c] despise wisdom and instruction.
Reading though this and Ecclesiastes, one chapter a day has helped me understand myself and God better and i plan on continuing my reading daily. I am now starting "The Song Of Solomon" and will continue through the rest of the Bible.
I thought about this song through out my 46 days on this Lent quest. It can make a ton of sense too compared to how i have been feeling.
God bless and thanks for reading!
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