She told me she was sleeping and that is why she didnt answer my call that horrid morning. Now suddenly she was in MKE at an appmt w/ her daughter??
I dont understand what kept her from easly finding bereavement info and sending me some, or a card?? Did she REALLY EXPECT ME TO CALL HER after i LOST MY DAUGHTER and was on HEAVY MEDS after an emergency Csect?!?
I suppose i really didnt know what i expected from writing this letter. But i feel this reply is just excuse after excuse, and written to save her image.
Krystal,
I am so sorry to have added to your pain with the loss of your child. It is not how I handle things and I cannot express how deeply saddened I am about the situation. I would like a chance to try to explain and ask your forgiveness. I would have come to the hospital to be with you that is something I try to do for all the moms in any situation that takes us there. I think after I talked to you and never heard back I did not know what to think. I do remember being up in Milwaukee at the time with my daughter at an appt. I would have left there right away. I should have just left there right away. I should not have waited to hear back. I am sorry. I am sure things just went so fast at that time there was no time to make a phone call. The next call was from Matt telling me what had happened and I remember asking if I should come and that he had said that you had just awoke and did not want to see anyone even family. I remember telling him to call when you were ready for visitors. The next thing I got was the email about the funeral. I know I had cancelled some things to attend, so whatever kept me from coming had to be extremely urgent. I am so sorry I did not make it that night. This is not who I am and I do not know why things happened that way. Mothers and their families are extremely important to me. There wasn't a day that went by that I did not wonder how you were doing. I know that when you sent the email about the funeral I wrote you a note, maybe I thought that was enough at that time until you were ready to see people. That last thing I wanted to do is show up at your door and upset you or make you feel uncomfortable that I was there. I did not know how you felt about me at the time. We usually corresponded with email and I felt you would either email me or call me when you were ready to see me. Please believe me Krystal when I say that I so much wanted to be there for you. I should have just came and saw you no matter what would have happened. I failed in that respect please forgive me. I am so sorry, I did not mean to make you feel that I lied. That is the last thing I would want to ever do to anyone. I did think of you as a friend and was very grieved for you and your family. You and your family are were very important to me, I hang my head for not being there. This was totally my missunderstanding of what I thought and how I thought you felt.
I think when I got your email right after the funeral, I just wanted you to get the check quickly and I just mailed it off without putting a little note in there. I didn't want to forget to mail it. I could have jotted down a few words to you. I appoligize for that.Iit looks so inconsiderate and that was not my meaning of that at all.
I did try to get you some information on bereavement from another midwife that I know( I only had something on miscarriage at the time and not stillbirth) but did not hear back from her. I am sorry I did not continue to pursue this after the few weeks I tried to correspond with her. I totally dropped the ball and that is not how to handle things. That is not how I normally do things.
I am truly sorry for how all this happened and how it added to your grief. I so saddens me. I ask yours and Matt's forgiveness for this. I am so truly sorry the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt someone or make them feel like I lied. That is not who I am. My heart breaks that I have added to your grief. I am truly sorry and please forgive me for hurting you and Matt and your family. If talking about this in person would help, I would be more than willing to do that.
You and your family are continually in my prayers.
Sincerely,
Rosemary
O well, at least i got it off my chest. sigh...
A few things add to my disbelief that she is even being sincere at all.
1. She CHANGED her story about what she was doing when i first called her in distress. She told me she was sleeping and missed the call NOT at her DDs appointment. (her youngest DD had downs and had appmnts on WEDNESDAYS AT 1. I KNEW this the entire time we knew each other.
2. She doesnt know what "urgent matter" kept her from coming to Stellas service. She cant come up with a good lie so she just brushes it off like she doesnt remember.
3. She never even sent a card, NOTHING!!!!
4. She would have NEVER CONTACTED ME AT ALL to "apologize" (or tell me all of her excuses) if ihad not contacted her first. 5 1/2 MONTHS LATER.
5. Her excuses are LAME!
I think she is trying her darndest to salvage any part of her reputation that can be after this and NOT because she actually cares. :twocents:
I just hope this will make her think about what she SHOULD DO better, god forbid this happens to any other patient of hers.
1. She CHANGED her story about what she was doing when i first called her in distress. She told me she was sleeping and missed the call NOT at her DDs appointment. (her youngest DD had downs and had appmnts on WEDNESDAYS AT 1. I KNEW this the entire time we knew each other.
2. She doesnt know what "urgent matter" kept her from coming to Stellas service. She cant come up with a good lie so she just brushes it off like she doesnt remember.
3. She never even sent a card, NOTHING!!!!
4. She would have NEVER CONTACTED ME AT ALL to "apologize" (or tell me all of her excuses) if ihad not contacted her first. 5 1/2 MONTHS LATER.
5. Her excuses are LAME!
I think she is trying her darndest to salvage any part of her reputation that can be after this and NOT because she actually cares. :twocents:
I just hope this will make her think about what she SHOULD DO better, god forbid this happens to any other patient of hers.
Not sure if i should reply to this or even try and contact her.....
2 comments:
It sure does sound like she is making excuses... yet it also sounds like she is truly sorry for how she acted, or didn't act for that matter. She did offer to meet and talk in person, if you think that would be helpful, which it may.. maybe that way you won't have that same image of her and what happened. It was a big step, and I am proud of you. Love you!!!
I hate that you had to experience something like this with her. I am praying for peace to come over you about the situation. I know this person has done you so wrong but maybe if you do talk to her, that you will have closure about everything. I have been in your shoes (not with a MW but other people and my Dr.)when I lost my first child and it took me a long time to get over it. It took a lot of prayer too because I had hatred towards certain people and I knew that if I ever wanted to see my baby again that I would have to forgive these people. Like I said it took a lot of time and prayer but I finally got my peace and closure. It has also helped in the healing process. Here are a few scriptures that helped me and I would like to share them with you.
"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15
"Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven." Matthew 18:21-22
"Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him." James 1:12
Like I said it took me a long to to understand this but with the help from God, I was able to forgive and it was truly by His grace. To me, one thing that will help is for the MW to be honest with you and not make excuses. If she wants to continue her work as a MW, she needs to realize that her patients come first. I hope that you can find out the whys? Praying for you and praying that you find your peace so the healing can begin.
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