I revised the letter...

And i am sending it!

Rosemary,

I wanted to write you and get a few things off of my chest. I have been having a really hard time coping with this loss and i feel the way you handled our situation was completely unacceptable and unprofessional. I had so much trust in you and felt very close friendship with you as well.  I had always dreamed of having a home birth and a close friend like relationship with the care provider that would accompany us at our home durring the birth of our child. I felt i had found that in you durring my entire pregnancy & I expected if things were to go awry, that you would be there for me. You told my husband and I, that in care of transfer or emergency, that you would be there for us by our sides in the hospital. You were not. I also expected, with you being a mother of 9 children yourself, that you would have the compassion to send at least a note of sympathy or card of condolence. When i received the check back just wrapped in a piece of paper tore from a notebook with not even a single word written on it, my heart, or what was left of it at the time, shattered along with all of my dreams and expectations of this entire experience. I begged and pleaded with Matt to have this home birthing experience, and the turn out was even WORSE that i could have EVER IMAGINED and how you "handled" the situation, made it all that much harder on us both. I would expect a professional midwife to take the initiative to be there for her patients in the good times and the bad. You could have also joined us for the service or sent a card of sympathy. When you didn't do a single thing i felt that you had lied to me the entire time i was entrusting you with our family. Like we didn't matter at all. I felt completely abandoned and still do. You could have also sent some bereavement information to let us know you care, and what we could expect from this disaster that has become our life.

I suggest and personally ask that as you carry on as a professional certified nurse midwife,  that God forbid in the event that another family has to endure the tragedy of stillbirth,  you would show more compassion and care in you dealings with them. I am not sure if i was the first experience of stillbirth you have encountered in your career, but i know i will surely NOT be the last with the rates of this occurring. You should really think about how to handle situations like this in a more professional and compassionate manner. Such as sending out information on bereavement, attending the service and helping them through the grief.  I am also hoping this letter may have opened your eyes to this tragedy and how it truely effected me and my family, and that you learn to deal with this kind of situation in a more professional manner.  I would also like to know why you decided to act in the manner that you did? Why did you just seem to dissappear and leave us alone in this grief?  Maybe in knowing this and expressing my feelings to you i will be able to move on in my grief. 
Was this too much to expect from a midwife i trusted and felt was also a friend.
Sincerely,

~Krystal