conflict & debate

I have been debating with myself for awhile about keeping up on all of the grief and bereavement web pages that i have been on. My husband seems to feel that they can cause my grief to become harder to handle. Especially when i read about all of the new mothers entering onto this path of child bereavement. I do have to admit it is quite saddening to know just how common that is scarey! Just at And ihave personaly met 4 others who are in this area that have lost thiers either the same day or 2 months out. Anyways, its all too common. These web pages i feel have been a great help in recognising my grief and the patterns in my grief. Helped me realize what was normal and what may be a sign of me falling off track in my healing. So when it comes down to it, i feel they are a great help and that when i feel the need, i should continue to visit these sites for support. Its nice to know your not alone. ( In some bitter sweet way i guess.) And that many of the feelings i have to endure are "normal" for this kind of "situation".   All and all it SUCKS, no matter which way you look at it and i feel me reaching out to these other mothers may be what works for me. Who knows, i could be far worse off if i had never started these support systems in the first place. (Hard to believe sometimes i know!) Its, most likely, completely normal for me to fall into sadness when the "triggers" arrive. But when it comes down to it, i just have to learn how to handle every single one of those "triggers" anyways. 


These are a few things i have learned that seem to work for me.

*Take each day as it comes. Sometimes it may have to be just one breath at a time.

* When you need to talk with someone, do it. You will feel so much better after getting everything off your chest. There are women on those bereavement web pages that gave me even their personal phone #s to call when i needed to talk. I am willing to do the same for someone who is in need.

*The on-line chat forums @ the compassionate friends is also a good alternative to post forums, and the mothers and fathers on there are on the same path, and understand. That i feel is important. Talking to others who truely understands first hand.

* Try not to just avoid all triggers all the time. We have to learn how to live with this grief for the rest of our lives & we cant let this over rule us. Finding ways to work through it has helped me. Even sometimes i have  had to remove myself from the situation & walk away, and that is OK too.

*Journaling and blogging have also been a great relief to getting things off my chest when i didn't have the stammer to even speak to anyone.

* Cry when you have to. Just let the flood gates open and cry. I always feel better after i cry it all out.

*Pray. I feel better after talking to God and Stella as well.

*Just do what you gotta do. Screw anyone who feels you should do anything any different or at any other pace than what works for you. Especially if they just don't understand. Everyone has their own pace to run on.

*Be Gentile on yourself.

God Bless and Thank you for reading.
~Krystal