My first dream started in some kind of warehouse. I was there with my family. I was pregnant and worried about the baby. Katie and i were hooking me up to a ultrasound machine to see what was going on. When we looked there were 2 babies in there, and we couldn't see the sex of the babies but they were dressed in my womb, one was a boy and the other was that blonde curly haired girl i always dream of. Then the girl disappeared and we were trying to see if the boy would move. He did and then i proclaimed i was going to the hospital and having a Csect just to get the baby out. So my sister Karie took the kids and i was worried about them eating. I opened up a cupboard and blew out 2 candles, one was burning the top shelf of the cupboard just a little and i was confused as to why they were int here in the first place. I then borrowed a friends snow pants (mike piah) that were extremely large on me and started off on my walk to the hospital. My mom, my aunt Jen, my sister Katie, aunt Marleen and a few other people ( people who have passed already like my aunt Tina and my friends mother time who passed last night) were there and walking with me. We were walking around by the block i grew up on heading to the hospital. We all came to a fence that was blocking my way, i decided it was my only way there so i climbed through and fell into a hole. I caught myself on the rim of the road and climbed out. I was so scared that i had possibly hurt the baby when i went through. I then came to a large junk yard that i also had to climb through and over a huge pile of wood and junk. I remember i had done it before a few times and could get through it. I did and sat at the bottom of some stairs and had to fill out some paperwork. My water then broke and i rushed up the stairs and into an office. I told them ( all while having contractions and my water leaking at every one) that i was going to have a Csect but now i am going to have this baby ANY MINUTE NOW! I remember feeling the baby moving down and i cried and cried. I laid my head on the desk of this woman who was helping another man and woman checking into L&D and i cried and begged saying through my sobbs "I just want to hear her heart beat, God i can not do this again, i just want to hear her heart beat!" As i was pushing the baby out squatting by this desk. I then woke up sobbing. It was so weird when i woke up, i felt myself physically moving through my dream, like i had left my own body and was reconnecting when i woke up. I am not sure where this dream leaves me. Hopes that we may have another, but feelings and the knowledge that it will be one of the hardest pregnancies to endure. And i could never rest until i had that crying baby in my arms and be able to hear their heart beat and see their eyes.
The next couple of dreams consisted of being chased by some bounty hunter with my husband and shopping with my friends' family, the best friend who had just lost her mother. We were shopping for things for the service. Her brothers and little sister were there, i don't remember seeing Jackie, she was with in me somehow. Weird dreams.
Waking up is definitely the hardest thing. God can you help make this life just a little easier? Please??
That man the other day at the bar wasn't kidding, life does get harder. Seeing those around me suffer is hard. Especially those i love so very much.
0 comments:
Post a Comment