3 months.......

Dear Stella,
             Its been 3 months since you left my womb and entered through the gates of heaven. I miss you terribly everyday. I am not even sure how i have made it to this point, this 3 month marker with out you in my arms, at my breast, or in our home where you should be. Life seems so pointless most days.We spend our time preoccupied in work situations.  We live, work, grow, get ill and die. That is all that is promised to us in this life time is death. Why even come to earth if there is a wonderful beautiful heaven above where we can be together? Where we don't suffer pain, illness, grief? Why the hell are we living in this HELL? What is the point? I don't get it. I miss you, and i am so sick of suffering and seeing all the ones i love suffering. Thank you for being with Tina last night while she was in surgery. I know you were there with us all while we waited. Thank you my little angel. I have been wearing you for days, and i cant bring myself to take you off of me. I am glad i at least have this necklace to remember you by. Help keep me strong my little girl. These days are rough. Missing you, Love Mom.

When it Rains......It Pours,

So Wednesday night my second mom, a woman i have known my entire life, and my very best friends mother suffered a brain aneurysm. She was rushed to the best neurological hospital in the state and sat while the family, whom i love with all of my heart, waited to see if there was anything that could be done for her. I was there, for hours, supporting my friends & family, watching this woman who i have loved forever hooked up to tubes and cords and everything. Praying for her, for my bestie Jackie, her brothers and little sister, everyone who knows this wonderful woman. We sat from noon until 9pm, when it was decided she would be brought in for brain surgery. I prayed more, i told Stella to sit with her and tell her that Jackie needs her, her family NEEDS her. 2 hours later we were told she pulled through surgery well and was stable. We said our good nights and headed home, in hopes the nights rest would bring her Gods healing touch.
 This morning i got a call from Jackie. She was headed up to the hospital, they didn't get good news. Tina was stable again, but there were complications through the night. Life is not fair. Why do we have to lose the ones we love, the ones we need? Is this what life winds down to? Loss?  I just don't understand and i am tired and mentally tore up. I love you Tina, and i pray you pull through. Your family needs you, and all of your friends love you and need you too. God Bless you Tina.

Jackie, I know i cant stop the pain, but i am here when you need me. I always have been and always will be. I love you hun.

I guess all we can do is BE, be the best wife, the best mother, friend, employee, or whatever it is we have to be. Then go home into our fathers arms on the day our time comes. Untill then God Bless, and Thanks for reading.