As anyone who has lost someone close to them knows, that this journey of grief is like a hellish roller coaster. I started going to on line support chats and discussion boards right away, after spending hours up all night searching "stillbirth". I have found great comfort in meeting people who have gone through similar experiences and are going through this path of grief just as i am because in the beginning the biggest feeling i had was being so alone. That was a huge step in healing for me. As i move along this path i find i have so many good days and so many bad days, the ups and downs of this roller coaster. But sometimes i find that i will have a good morning and then connect on my grief support forum and "BAM", i am not doing so well again. I am not sure if it is just because i am seeing new woman on the forum, or if someone else is having a really hard time in their grief, it reminds me of my grief and then i am reliving it all over again. Could also just be a combination of that and seeing "triggers" like people getting their BFP for their rainbows or having their rainbows. I am not sure, but this is a tough road and i don't think it ever stops winding and around each curve is a new set of issues i have to deal with and this wound is reopened. My husband thinks that being involved in the online chats and communities can make this ultimately harder to deal with for me. On some occasions i see that. As i had just wrote about, reminding me of my grief and then having to relive it all over again. Is this good or is this a bad thing?? I really am not sure at all. Is it a good thing i am involved in all the online support groups? Should i start to move on and deal with this on my own now so that i am not consumed in this??? Where do you go from here? I need some help with this for i am not sure where to go or what to do.
3 comments:
Pray abou it, God will help you. I love you and am here for you, whatever I can help with, I will. Love you tons.
I think your HuBBy is a smart man.
Grief for everyone is different and yours may be taking you on a different path then some of the women on the grief site.
You are not strong enough to live through the turmoil with the new mama's on your site. Someday you may be strong enough to read their storys and offer them more than your fresh tears.
You have to heal enough yourself to be able to be strong for the women that are more recent in their grief. I hope this makes sence.. but I think it might be a good idea for you to find a new way to heal. A new forum maybe?
Your dreams are speaking volumes to me. Your sub consience might be ready to heal. Might be ready to move to the next phase in YOUR path to healing.
And as far as the exersize and body image.. dont forget that your body is grieving Beans loss as much as your heart and soul. Let it rest and heal and you will be back in your size 5's in no time loVe.
<3 <3
Beautifully stated, Katie!
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