Message in a bottle.....of bourbon.

So tonight at work something very strange happened. The night started off like any other slow January evening at the Grand, dead and boring. I sat around and chatted with a couple of my co-workers and cleaned the bar. Later in the evening a few people came in after a business meeting. Now these "businessmen" are out to get tipsy! Its like amateur night when these groups come in! So this one guy came in, already 1/2 in the bag and started doing some shots of bourbon with his co-workers. He was a fun spunky hyper little black man, probably in his mid to late 40s. Just being goofy all night. Well nearing the end of the evening we started chatting. He mentioned he had 9 children, i am in the middle of 9 kids. Then he mentioned he was in the middle of 11, my mother is one of 11. We are both the middle children in our families. So he precedes to ask me about how many children i had, i tell him 3. Then the question turns to how old are they, you don't look old enough to have 3 kids! I tell him i have an 11 year old daughter, 3 year old son and a daughter who was born in October, but passed durring childbirth. He got really teary eyed and apologized for our loss. He then tells me he also lost a baby durring childbirth. After that he started talking about life's grief, his grief journey and how he knows how i feel. He continued to ramble drunkenly about how we have to live through it, take it head on and live our lives. He also had lost 1/2 of his brothers and sisters and his twin brother was one of those. He talked about living through the grief of his losses and how he knows how it feels to "move on" that the grief never goes away, it just gets softer. He feels bad that he has kept living and he never knew what he really had to do, or how to feel, and that when he felt better he really felt worse or guilty. He wanted those loved ones to tell him how to feel after they died, but they couldn't. So he made a video for his children and wife explaining how he wanted them to feel and what he wanted them to do when he died. He said...now this is pretty damn funny in my own opinion...he wants them to cremate him, buy a pound of weed and a few bottles of Jack Daniels and put his ashes in them and smoke him up. Laugh and party and remember him with laughter and happiness. He honestly made a video of him sitting in a chair and telling them to do that! To smoke him up and party. his ashes. This guy was quite a character! So he has that video and will only let his family see it after he dies. Then things got weirder.... I know, how can shit get any weirder than that! Well it did. He told me that he was here for a reason, that God sent him to this exact spot to tell me something. That i needed to get off my ass and be strong. that i had something very important i needed to do, that it wasn't going to be easy and i will suffer more in the process, this grief i am living is NOT that hardest i will endure. That i am beautiful, strong, intelligent, and needed. He told me to go home and look at myself in the mirror, HARD. To strip all of this grief i hold, everything i hold on to and DO whatever it is i have to. I have to let it go. I have the power to and i will.  Because that is my will, that is Gods will. I am strong and that is why i am to do, whatever it is i have to do. That is what he said, this guy named Devon.
 Now i am not sure exactly WHAT it is that i have to do. But this guy was dead serious. Like really serious. Scary even. I highly doubt he will remember even meeting me in the morning, but God somehow spoke through him and directly to me. As of now i really dont understand any of this, but i am sure when the time comes, i will.

Well, its late and i am tired and most of this most likly doesnt make a ton of sense. But i had to get it out before i forgot it all and went to bed. Ahh yes, my life. Strange.

God Bless and thank you for reading.