I know this is the most common feeling among grieving mothers, to have another baby asap. And its quite an overwhelming one at that! I had 9 months to plan, prep, build up all this love and now i have no little baby to give it all too, so naturally i want that baby as soon as possable to give this all to. A rainbow after the storm, Gods promise that it will all be ok. I am not sure this storm in me is quite over with yet, and i also feel like i can not plan a thing in life. I just have to let it all go and take what is given to me with gratitude and acceptance. I surely pray everything will work out, and someday we can have the rainbow to complete our family, to help love fill the void Stellas death left in our family. NEVER to replace her, but to fill that void as much as possable... Even Bris & Eli mentioned how their feeling are being affected. Briana said since stella died she feels like our family is empty, like her heart is missing. :*( Feelings i dont want my 11 yo daugher feeling, they hurt bad. Eli told me this morning that he was crying because he wants Stella to sleep in his room (they were suppose to share a room and all of her things are still down there and set up) This has been affecting more than just me, my husband and children are hurting so badly too and it breaks my heart even more. Everyone tells me "its all in Gods plan" "things happen for a reason" But I really dont understand why this had to happen to our family, to my children, husband?? Why did God have to hurt us all so bad? It just doesnt seem like any of this is right.
Till the storm passes, I will huddle with my family, protect them as much as i can from the pain of the hard rain, till God shares with us what has been in his plan. A clearing of the clouds, an easing of the storm and a rainbow in our sky.
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