Today is Stella's EDD (estimated due date) & as dreary as the day she was heaven born.
I went with Matt last night to his DJ gig. I felt totally out of place at first and ran into some people I worked with. Of course they knew I was pregnant, but not the outcome. So naturally I had to explain. I am suprised how well I handled it and suprised I didnt fly off the handle and ball my eyes out. Maybe I wouldve if I wasnt pumped full of NewCastle and Jameson? I know I'll have to explain a million times, and share the story that changed my heart and soul forever over and over again. However I feel she deserves to be talked about, she is my daughter, alive or not, and has a large chunk of my heart. I will try to honor her everytime I speak of that day in October, as heartbroken as I am. I know I'll never understand, its never going to be "ok", I know I'll feel this longing for her forever and I also know I cant change a damn thing, all I can do is accept it. Adjusting to "fit" back into the world is prooving to be a challange however. Its like my shape has changed and I cant fit back in the space I once filled.
ten years
6 years ago
1 comments:
I know that this wont really change the way that you are feeling.. out of place and not yourself... You are not alone, Krystal. You are really the same person, with a new perspective on life. I can tell when I see you that you hurt bad. Even when I get the pleasure of seeing you smile, I know that the pain is there. I wish I could take it away, make things better for you. I pray for you everyday. I think about you all the time. The pain will ease, I know that... I also know that the void will always be there and that hurts me as well. I love you, little sister <3
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