my public disease

Somedays its easy to just move through your day, go to the grocery store, family gatherings, going to the bank and there are no issues......
But then you have days where it feels like your walking around with 2 heads. Like people look at you like your diseased. You feel diseased. You feel haunted.
I went into walmart yesterday for just a few things, i felt OK. Then it happens....The women with the baby, the adorable little baby girl stuff, the mom with tons of kids, the cute set of twins. and you lose it.
Just today i went to a birthday party and there was a woman there with her baby. I felt as though i was going to hyperventelate everytime i seen her baby. She approached me and told me she was sorry and asked me if i wanted her to leave. I felt very odd and there is NO WAY id have anyone leave because of me! My daughter was holding her baby and i lost it. balled in public. Its was there in my face, what i lost. These are feelings ill have to live with my entire life. Scenes ill have to battle forever. The public disease is permanant and i just have to find a way to live with it.