Dear Stella

~Wish you were Here~

11/27/10

I think about you everyday my little angel. Some days I eat, sleep and breathe the longing i have for you. Life just doesn't seem as exciting as it was when i was anticipating your arrival. Everything is bleak and wore out and as boring as it was before we found out we were going to be parents again. I really wanted that next step, that final chapter on our children. You were going to complete us, our family of five. perfect.
What happened to that chapter?  Who put this dark, unusual and terrifying chapter in my book? Where did you go my little girl? And why cant i have you back? What can i do? What could've i done to prevent this? I feel like such a failure that i couldn't get you here safely. I want so badly to try again and see if we can have you this next time. If God will let me keep you. But what can i do differently? How can i make sure we can avoid this from happening again? Your daddy is hurting Stella, i don't know if he will be able to try again. He longs for you just as much as i do. Briana thinks about you everyday and makes notes for you and cards and pictures. Elijah wants so badly for you to be here too. We all do. We miss you and wish you could be here, physically, and complete our family.  Please watch over us dear Stella, and tell God we want you back with us safely in mommy arms. We love and miss you baby girl.
Love mommy