3/23/12

As this spring approaches, the world seems so be popping out babies like some disease I'm immune to. It keeps this burning deep inside my soul fanned and burning even harder. As I would love to be in complete and utter joy for all these families, and I try to be, I'm left feeling so deeply empty armed and the hole in my heard magnified to such great intensity I would rather die sometimes.
I shit you not there are 4 babies in my family just born or on the way in the next month. 3 here in just days of each other. I haven't been on FB because literally 20 some woman are having cute squishy little babies. Majority of which seem to be girls too. SIGH.................. Oh what I would give to be able to have my Stella here or the chance to "redeem" my God aweful failure towards her life. I pray God allows these families to have their whole, live, healthy family and not have to suffer the unbearable pain of loss. I will bear that cross just so no one else will have to, as much as it hurts and kills me.
Stella, look over your cousins and help them into this world safe. I miss you more than any worldly language could communicate. 
Congrats to those families who have been blessed with the highest blessing there is to humans, the child.