this road

I was walking along this road, everything was as it should be, or at least i had thought.
The scenery was so beautiful. And what i had imagined laying ahead was even more so.
Then what happened i never saw coming. The road crumbled out from under my feet.
I stumbled and fell. When I came to I was somewhere completely different.
A road I never had seen before. The scenery on this road was dark and dismal.
A road less traveled, dark and dreary. The echoes from my cries was the wind that blew me over.
But i wasn't alone. My husband was there and he was holding my hand.
I am not alone but I am still scared, uncertain and confused.
I told him we went the wrong way, we need to go back.
He told me the road was no longer there and this is now our only path.
We just needed to hold tight my dear, soon enough the morning will show us its light.


I have been having a hard time coping with this loss. The last few days have been quite dark. Last night Matt shared with me a book he had read called "The Purpose Driven Life". He read out of there, a few of the chapters, while we sat in bed and wept together. There will ALWAYS be a piece of my heart that is missing, that I will grieve for and NEVER understand, but I have to accept this somehow and move towards whatever purpose it is in life God now has for us. In one of the chapters "You Are Not an Accident" He read me a poem that really hit home. He read it and we wept, for we knew it was true.

You are who you are for a reason

Your part of an intricate plan

Your a precious and perfect unique design

Called Gods woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason

Our God made no mistake

He knit you together within the womb

your just what he wanted to make

The parents you had were the ones he chose

and, no matter how you feel,

They were custom designed with Gods plan in mind

and they bear the Masters seal

No, that trauma you faces was not easy

and God wept that it hurt you so

But it was allowed to shape your heart

So that in his likeness you'd grow

You are who you are for a reason

You've been formed by the masters rod

You are who you are, beloved

because there is a God  

I wont ever truly and fully understand why God chose to make Stella, so beautiful, full, and perfect, to just take her back up to heaven and leave me empty hearted and empty armed with no answers. I wont ever understand that. But I suppose God doesn't make mistakes and our lives will be traveling forth on this new road God has laid out for us. I will always long for that road i never traveled, that beautiful one with my Stella. The road I had only seen in a dream.