I had my 6 week PP check the other day and the Dr. drew about 15 viles of blood to check for various blood disorders, vitamin and mineral deficiencies and clotting disorders. you know, JUST IN CASE i can talk Matt into trying for our rainbow baby....
I feel i have to find come kind of answer as to why this happened to Stella before i can have any kind of closure or be able to move on for that matter. I sit and reel through my head the various questions daily; Was it my stress level? Did I work too much? Was it the 2 cups of 1/2 caff i had everyday? Was it because i used to drink red bull before i got pregnant? Did i exercise too much? Was it from the sex we had while i was pregnant? Is it possible to give a child shaken baby syndrome in utero? Was it the few cigarettes i smoked before i quit altogether? Was it the vitamin and mineral supplements? If i would've stayed with my OB would she be here? What if i went to the 20 week U/S at the hossy and not just the 2 i had with the students and teacher?
There are really TOOOOO many questions and what ifs i ask myself everyday. I need some kind of answers, though i feel i will never get any. There was nothing wrong with Stella, why isn't she here?
UPDATE:
I just got off the phone with the Dr. and she informed me that all test came back normal. I had no issues with vitamins or clotting disorders. No genetic disorder either. Still no answers :(
I am reading about a Dr. in Madison WI, who suffered stillbirth in 1979 and his nurse who also suffered a still birth in 1981, that work together to help parents get the answers they seek. Unfortunately for me, its too late. Stella is gone, so they wouldn't be able to preform the proper testing to identify the cause of her passing. But the information is there for parents who may suffer this grief in the future.
http://www.uwalumni.com/home/onwisconsin/archives/winter06/stillbirth.aspx
I really hate not having answers.
Guess ill just have to learn to accept not having my daughter AND not having a reason why. :*(
1 comments:
I can relate. especially today. We also have no answers. I requested my file, and it didn't have the heart rate monitor strips in it, so I had to call back. I got them today and as I look at them, I have to wonder - did the dr. do everything right? I find myself for the first time being angry with her. She's been wonderful to us, but I still have to wonder. I need to get someone to look at them for me to help make sense of it. I hate looking at them over and over, it's like ripping the stitches open again and again, but I need answers. I'm sorry you are feeling the same way :(
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