I have recently come to realize, after loosing Stella, that i don't have control over anything in life. It has always been in my nature to be in control, maybe its the Capricorn in me? I took great care for my body while i was pregnant. I saw a midwife all the time. googled things if i was suspecting something. Planned carefully this home birth i wanted to badly. Researched all the statistics on home births, vaccines, foods, stress levels, exercising. You name it i was researching. Well, i suppose none of that shit really mattered. I am a puppet in the hands of something far greater than me. I have no control over what happens in life, when ill die, if i become ill, my feelings and emotions. not a thing. I really don't know how to give a shit anymore. Life to me now consists of going through the motions. God has control, and i just drift through this life till he takes me home. I have said it before and now i see the truth in it. Ignorance IS bliss.
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For this cause, I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, that you may be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inward man; that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; to the end that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be strengthened to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know Christ’s love which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:14-19
I agree that ignorance is bliss... yet when you are taken back by tramatic events, it is a rude awakening. You can't ignore life and things that are/have/will happen around you. Have faith, Krystal. God will help you in your time of need. I love you!!!!
My soul is weary with sorrow: strengthen me according to your word.
Psalms 119:28
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