Feeling guilty

A woman on my support site (daily strength) posted some scripture today about mourning and how God wants us to rejoice and not grieve. I read into it and found a verse that really gets me. It makes me feel guilty for what I had done in my past, and I feel that God surely punished me for what I had done. He took my first child that Matt and I conceived during our marriage. We had both Briana and Eli out of wed-lock, and we were punished. Or so I feel.

"This is what the Lord says "a cry of anguish in Ramah-mourning and weeping unrestrained. Rachael weeps for her children, refusing to be comforted-for her children are dead."
But now the Lord says "Do not weep any longer for i will reward you. Your children will come back to you from the distant land of the enemy. There is hope for your future" says the Lord "your children will come again to their own land"
I have heard Israel saying "you have disciplined me severely, but i deserved it. I was like a calf that needed to be trained for the yoke and plow. Turn me again to you and restore me, for you alone are the Lord my God. I turned away from God, but then i was sorry. I kicked myself for my stupidity! I was thoroughly ashamed of all i did in my younger days.
"Is not Israel still my son, my darling child?" Asks the Lord "I had to punish him, but I still love him. I long for him and surely will have mercy in him" Jeremiah 31 15-20

Till we meet again my sweet baby girl~ Mommy LOVES and MISSES you!

Even while i was searching for images to place in this blog post, i stumbled upon some pictures of stillborn babies, stars, rainbows and other images that spoke to me on my feelings on this. God forgive me and have mercy on me and my family.