There is a posting going around on quite a few blogs about where each person is on this road of grief at the time since their child's death. The question is "Where are you now, physically, emotionally, psychologically in your grief".
You can read the original here:
http://stilllifewithcircles.blogspot.com/2011/05/right-where-i-am-project-two-years-five.html
I read through a few that are upwards of 2 years into this path and I can only imagine what i may feel like that far down the road. I cant even tell you how I will feel tomorrow to be honest. But today and the last few days I can tell you I an trying my hardest to somehow accept this as my new life and find a "new normal", one I can live with.
I honestly hate that my daughter died, as any parent would agree, but I am still here and I have a choice to make the best of this or the worst. I would love to crawl under a rock and forget this entire Earth, but that wouldn't be very good for anyone. I have a husband and children who love me, family and friends who love me as well and that would just be plain selfish to do. So I am at a point where I am trying my hardest to think positively, work for my family, and live again. I dont know how long it is going to take for me to love life again, I am not there yet and I feel its pretty far off still. I have been surrounding myself with children Stella's age, or what she should be, babysitting and such. I love it but after all is said and done In am deeply saddened she is not here. I want that. I want her still more than anything. That one thing I CANT have, I WANT. her.
Physically I am still 15 lbs over my pre-baby weight. I still HATE my Csect scar, and will forever unless I have a live baby through it someday in the future I will honestly hate it forever. I am at a point i am just trying my hardest to "accept this". That is the worst, accepting the fact that your baby is dead.
Hold on Tight
6 years ago
6 comments:
Hi Krystal. I'm so sorry about your Stella. She's a beautiful baby. I love her name.
I'm almost three years out and have since been lucky enough to welcome a living child, with another on the way, and I can assure you that I still don't always know how I'll feel on a day to day basis. Grief is a sneaky bitch like that. Sneaks up on you when you least expect it. But the rawness of those awful early first months has passed, so I feel for you so much given that's where you are now.
Glad you took part in this project. My heart breaks for the newly bereaved. I hate how this just keeps happening.
xo
Hi Krystal,
Although, I have not officially introduced myself to you yet, I have been reading your and Stella's story for awhile now. I am Kennedy's momma and the one who started Face2Face Madison on Facebook. Just felt that might help you connect with who I am. First off, I want to say how sorry I am for what you are feeling and for the loss of your daughter. I know, as many of us do, how hard that first year is. And of course, it is always hard, but like Hope's Mama, said it does somewhat get easier. Hold onto that if you can...especially in your darkest times. Please feel free to touch base with me via facebook or here whenever you need to. Sometimes, those who are closest (physically) can add another source of comfort when we need it most of all. By the way, I'm so glad to hear that you are planning a walk on October 15th. Sending hugs to you.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl Stella Grace. If it helps to know, I still hate that my son is gone and I still hate my c-section scar. Love and strength to you~
I am so sorry to meet you like this and that Stella is not with you. So cruel and unfair. Your words rang so true for my experience too. Thank you for sharing right where you are. XO
I am so sorry to read about your beautiful Stella. Wanting to climb under a rock is something I wanted to do, too (still do, some days), and I really admire your determination to be there for your family in spite of it. Thanks so much for sharing your words with us.
I'm visiting (belatedly) from Angie's blog. I am so sorry that Stella is not in your arms - she's a stunning little girl, isn't she? Just adorable.
I'm one of those who is over 2 years out - and no, I couldn't imagine getting to this point when I was where you are now. Seven months seems so long to the unbereaved but it is just a tiny drop in the ocean of forever for those of us trying how to work out how to live without our babies. I remember 2-7ish months were some of the worst I have ever lived. Where you are now, I was just finding, as you are, that sometimes, fleetingly, I could accept this life. Not all the time - I still don't accept it all of the time, but some of the time.
I wish you gentle days ahead. Thank you for sharing in Angie's project.
Post a Comment