Wrinkles starting to frame the almonds that used to shine.
Crows feet corners from both the smiles and frowns.
The depths of my pupils seem to have grown deeper. Darker.
And tears stained the whites with a red stress.
A map of this road I've been on, etched in veins.
My skin has dulled with stress.
My hair starting to gray.
Speckles of age and defeat from the last 3 years. 
I look back at photos from just a year back and I was more vibrant.
Even when the pain seemed to be stronger still, then it is now.
Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe it's just different.
I do know it's taken a sure fire toll on me.
My face
Hair
Body
Family
Relationships
Marriage
It's aged me.
This grief.
It's not even just about her death anymore.
It's turned into what and who was left after she died.
The recourse.
How people reacted to my pain.
How others acted in their own grief.
What this has become.
It's aged me.
All of this.
People say I'm strong.
Well,
I sure don't feel strong.
I feel weak and defeated most days.
Sad.
Discouraged.
Worn.
But I carry on regardless,
For everyone else.
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