As anyone going through this knows, this grief thing is like a bad roller coaster or a beating of waves on the beach. Waves of grief come and go, some days its like a tsunami, others a sad little shift in the tide and little waves of sadness come crashing upon the shore of our hearts. One day you can feel OK and be just coasting along and then next the coaster hits that corkscrew and throws you for a horrid scary loop out of nowhere. Its hard to stay positive most of the time because you wait in aweful anticipation of the next drop, the next hill or tsunami to come beating upon your heart and mind. I am trying, God am i trying to stay positive, it hard. But at least i am trying. Sometimes i just have to let it all ride out, i really have no control over this grief, this life i am in as a pawn between the war of God and Satan. Just a pawn, doing Gods work.....or whatever.
I wanted to post on here a little something i encountered yesterday. I was pulling into subway and noticed an SUV i had seen once before in the town i live in. On the back is a family of stick people stickers. Hovering just above the children is a little angel baby. I noticed this the first time i seen the SUV as well. I figured she works at the bank i go to since that is where i seed it the first time and there is another bank in the subway strip mall we were at. I had an urge to get in contact with her and wrote a little note on a receipt giving her my Email and my story in a nut shell, then expressing my condolences. As we were leaving i pulled around behind the vehicle but chickened out on leaving the note. I am not sure how weird that would be. But it would be nice to know someone in the area who has also gone through this ( i do have a few friends and wish i would contact them more but i am too depressed half the time to contact anyone....sorry mommas)
I think i am going to write a little note or get a small card and leave it on there next time i see the vehicle, worst case scenario is she doesn't contact me, right? A momma on my support site mentioned that if she had a sticker on her car to represent her angel, she probably wouldn't mind reaching out and talking with other angel mommas. Who knows, maybe she has been in this for awhile and has some insight to offer me, Lord knows i can use it!
Weird or not?
Let me know what you think or how you would handle the situation, leaving the note or finding it.
I will keep you posted on this if it unfolds at all.
*Oh and on a side note, i decided to stat writing on my blog again after someone mentioned on my support chat that if it is helping me, why would i have stopped? God wouldn't want me to give up something that was helping me or others for lent. So i am now writing again and just staying away from FB thru lent. I know FB wasn't helping me AT ALL, and i sure hope this is helping me and others in this or family and friends to understand me and my grief better........
Thanks for reading and God bless!
Krystal
ten years
6 years ago
3 comments:
Oh, how I wish you had left that note on the car! I think your friend in the support group is right, she is more than likely comfortable with talking about her angel. And yes, worse case scenario is that she wouldn't call.
I completely understand that it is hard for you to stay positive, and know that even when you are 'Negative Nelly', we love you and want to be here to listen. I am very happy that you decided to take up writing in your blog again. As much as it hurts to know you are in pain... we need to know. You mean the world to me, Krystal. I hope you don't EVER think that I don't want to hear what you are thinking and feeling. I love you!
Please leave the note. They would not have the angel there if they did not want people to know about it. It might be a great open door to talk to someone else. I wished I lived near you, I would talk to you in a HEARTBEAT! THis is not easy, ITS hard to lose a child....nothing feels good about it. Its ok to share your heart. Keeping everything inside will just make you explode at somepoint. let your feelings out, its what will get you through this!!!! Hang in there girl!
I would leave the note. Just as you said, the worst case scenario.. she wont call. If I were the letters recipient, I would definately call.. or atleast email (leave your email too) I think it would be good talk about it with someone who is local and shares the same experience youve went through. God I wish sometimes I had someone who I could talk to who has walked in my shoes. How helpful it wouldve been to me. Know that we are here for you, even if your thoughts arent so positive. Im here to help you think happy things and remember good times.. and to create new ones! I love you! Keep writing! <3 <3
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