Saturday, January 21, 2012

Wandering Star...

Again, like many days, on my way to work I heard this song. And, as always, it gave me a few moments to sit and think of my sweet girl, Stella. The first is the one I heard on the radio and the second I found while trying to search the song and found one that matched my grief evenmore. Enjoy them both.

Wandering Star Polica

Lyrics:
When the day is done
And I lay me down
I sit alone in my lonely bed
And I think about
The day we had
And it makes me sad 'cause you're gone

When the day is done
And I lay me down
This sheet's so cold
And your space is dark
And I hear you whispering something sweet
And it doesn't move me and it knows me

Turns around me
Turns around me
Turns around me



Wandering Star Portishead


Wandering Star lyrics

Please could you stay awhile to share my grief
For its such a lovely day
To have to always feel this way
And the time that I will suffer less
Is when I never have to wake

Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever
Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever

... Those who have seen the needles eye, now tread
Like a husk, from which all that was, now has fled
And the masks, that the monsters wear
To feed, upon their prey

Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever
Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever

[INSTRUMENTAL]

(always) doubled up inside
Take awhile to shed my grief
(always) doubled up inside
Taunted, cruel.... ...

Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever
Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

hi krystal.

i always enjoy reading the lyrics to the songs you post. they have such a deeper meaning... then the "normal" eye can see.

i hope its ok to share a little bit of my story here. this is an email i sent to all my friends who also have had a babe move to heaven.

thinking of you cute little Stella today and always.

Today is Friday.

This is the day 4 years ago. That everything started spinning.

It’s the day we found out there was no heartbeat. Around 6 pm. That’s when our whole family went to the photographer to get pictures of my beautiful pregnant body. She was just a photographer.

But she also knew how to take pictures in the belly. She took those pictures inside the belly. And then left. Telling me to turn on my side. And shed be back. Cuz u see. The baby was in a ball.

A ball.
Yes.. a ball.

I thought that was ok to be in a ball.

A ball.

And then she came back in to tell me… and the family… hubby and 3 kids. Anxioucly waiting to know if our baby was a boy or girl. I was 26 weeks pregnant.

She came in to tell me those aweful words no mamma ever ever deserves to hear.

No heartbeat.

But I was ok with that.

I knew.
I just knew how God worked.
He worked miracles. And I knew. I just knew. Little autumn would be fine and breathing any time.
He worked miracles.
We went home. We went to church the next day… like we do every Sunday.

I was fine.

Cuz I knew about miracles.

But when a friend came by that Sunday to give me some cookies…..i just looked at her and wondered why? I told no one of my news.

She said… she felt like she needed to.

At the time. I hated those cookies. It made me feel. Like something was wrong. I didn’t say anything to her.

I told her I didn’t want her cookies. She was confused. My son took the cookies from her. He wanted those cookies.

As she left… just a few minutes after she got to my house… she gave me a hug.

And

For the first time. I cried as I hugged her.uncontrobally. she probably wondered why. But I didn’t tell her.


Cuz.. I was going to get a miracle recovery. So there was no reason to get her concerned.

Monday I never saw my doctor. Tuesday I went in.

The doc had no good news. He sent me to another doc. He had no good news.

That day. 1.23.08 I gave birth to our 4th child. Autumn agren.

Im thank ful for the pictures I have of her.

I wish I had a picture of her at her 4 year old birthday party here at our house on Monday.

She may have died. But she was still born.

Happy birthday little Autumn. We miss and love you. oh how our world would be different.

Well I was wanting to write more. But. That’s all I can right now.

I wish I felt more confortable sending this to more people.

But they wouldn’t understand. And right now…. I just don’t feel like explaining.

Love jen

thanks for reading Krystal

KrystalK said...

That was a beautiful post Jen!
Happy Birthday Autumn, I am sure Stella is there with you to celebrate, and most importantly of all Jesus was there to celebrate with you.
God Bles you Jen and as always, thank you for reading, and now for sharing. (((((HUGS))))

Anonymous said...

awww i liked that.... Stella is there with her celebrating.

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