There comes a point......

I feel I am at a point in my grief, well today anyways, that I just cant look at all the baby loss support groups anymore. Evey time I log into them or click the link on FB and see all the new posts by all the new to this dead baby club mothers and fathers, I want to die. It brings so much back at me in tidal waves of sadness. I don't want to know, mentally, just how many new families have to endure this. It truly breaks my heart into a million pieces. I feel like I almost have to hide this grief away and not keep it in the forefront of my mentality day after day anymore, because it just consumes me. It is by far the shittiest occurrence in my life thus far. I hate the fact I cant have my daughter with me right now, but there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to change that, nothing. Life has become merely a series of reactions to shit. Not an inspirational journey though the beauty of Gods planet Earth as I once seen life. Its reaction after reaction to all the BS life throws at you. That is the only choice we really do have, is how we react to this, to anything. I want to curl up in a ball and die half the time, but that is just not feasible. I have a family who loves and needs me. So getting out of bed to complete preoccupation after preoccupation it is. I pray someday soon all the "preoccupations" I do daily can become dreams and goals I want to experience again. I want passion again, love and inspiration. The "spark" of life that used to surround me. I miss that. I miss the warmth and grace of what I felt life was once upon a time. My children, and just children and general, bring the light into this world, and when one dies a large amount of that light is gone. When the death is from with in you, so deeply rooted to your soul, the light there is what goes out, making it SO HARD to see anything outside of your soul. How do you repair that light? I personally feel I need the re spark of another child to bring that light back, I honestly believe that deep with in my soul. Children, in my personal opinion, are what make life worth living. All the "adult" preoccupations of life seriously SUCK. I could do with out it all honestly. Its been hard to adjust from preparing my life to raise another beautiful child from infancy to now nothing. Trying to repair my soul and channel my grief somewhat so I am not forever buried in it. I look ahead and all I can see is the bridge to another child for that spark for life or just simply living preoccupation after preoccupation just to get by until I die. That feels like the only 2 choices I have. And even then, I really have no choice in the matter, which kills me. I feel I am just stuck like this until something happens, anything. I was suppose to have this life I wanted so bad and I don't get it, any of it. I have to do something else. Something I don't have the care or drive to do.  Where do you go from here? I cant continue to live one preoccupation after the other with no spark for any of it. i just cant. What the fuck do you do?