You Cant Put a Price on This Stuff....

Rummage Sale day......
I'm in my garage, stacks of Rubbermaid totes and I'm sorting through them one by one. Clothes, Shoes, Elijah's stuff, Home Decor.....
I'm taking stuff out of each bin and placing them around the garage. Setting them up to look presentable, so someone snags it and gladly pays me for the item.
The next few bins I crack open, filed to the brim with new baby clothes, blankets, bumpers, breast pumps, cloth diapers. All of which I had spent 9 months buying at rummages, Target, Kohl's, on line, stalking some pages to score some of the most adorable wool diapers covers you could ever imagine. And not one of these items I was able to use on my beautiful baby girl, whom I carried and prepared for, for almost an entire year of my life.
I look at it all, take it in, Im carried back to that place, the lost place and tears swell in my eyes. I  have to leave the garage and walk around the house unable to take a breath with out a wail escaping my chest. My husband , seeming quite uncomfortable knowing this pain is welling up inside me, doesn't understand the attachment I have for these items. Not only does it bring up what I have lost, WHO I have lost, but also the HARD work left to nothing but heart ache and grief. I walk around the house and I'm balling my eyes out. HOW DO YOU PUT A PRICE ON THIS STUFF!?!?
For one, I'm having a RUMMAGE. People want to spend 10 cents on a lawn mower. I spent THOUSANDS on these items. I had everything washed, prepped and set up in her nursery. Hanging in the closet. I have a diaper bag PACKED with essentials I never got to open. The most adorable bed spread and set. I spent 140$ on it. I packed it back up all pretty in the package tears trailing down my face. A stroller and car seat combo adorned with pink and brown flowers. Covered with a little pink wool car seat cozy for those chilly winter nights I would have to drag her out to the store for milk or cereal for the morning. Never once did she get to sit in that car seat. I never got to use it.
I have everything set up in the garage for the rummage, everything but her items. I walk around placing price stickers on everything. 10$ for the vacuum, 20$ for the Steam Mop....40$ for the juicer.
Take the old clothes for 1$ a piece. That stuff will just be donated if it doesn't sell.
After everything else was priced I sat and looked at the baby gear. HER stuff. She never used it, it was ment for her, but it was never really hers. Where did she go? WHY couldnt I use this stuff!?!?
I look at the little fluorescent stickers and gaze back at her beautiful pink bundle of essentials.
I called my sisters and asked if they could come by and go through her stuff with me. 
Of course they came to my rescue. As they always have.
I'm glad I didn't wear make up today, I thought to myself as I put my sun glasses back on.
I took the 3 bins of clothes and went through each item one by one. Felt the softness of the velor jumpsuits against my hands unable to control the urge to smell them and gently rub them against my cheek.
I could just smell the scent of dreft that still lingered in the stack of onsies and gowns.  More tears fell though the space between my sunglasses and cheeks. Trailing down my face, leaving a dart wet patch on my shirt.
My sisters told me to save what I want, they knew I wasnt really ready to part with much of it. I didn't have to get rid of it. But I felt like a hoarder hanging on to this massive amount of baby items I had never used and probably would never get to. My husband has been urging me to get rid of it all since she died. I'm  not sure if I will ever win over my husband with my desire to have another child, a rainbow after this storm. His desire NOT to and his fear wins over every time were making love......it doesn't even feel like making love anymore, because making love is making children. Were just having sex at this point now.
So I repeated the motion, feel, smell, & imagine what she would've looked like in each outfit...... One in the pile of "for sale" and 3 in the Rubbermaid I'm stashing under the table and saving in spite of what anyone thinks. I'm keeping them. Just in case......
Then I had to take that little stack of stickers and figure out WHAT price I would put on everything.
TOP price. That is what I will ask. 5-10$ under what I paid. I doubt it will sell. & Maybe I don't want it to.
Day 1 of the rummage.
People came early, 9am I opened my garage and already cars were creeping by.
Men, looking for tools. Older woman looking for coffee makers. Purchase after purchase. No one made way for the baby items, thank goodness.
Then it happened. The woman with the newborn baby girl in the car seat, B-lined it for the baby gear. I knew this would happen. I tried to prepare myself for it, but nothing really does prepare yourself for this kind of thing.
Especially for when the questions arise.......
 "How did your daughter like this bouncy seat?"
"Well......She never used it. She died during a Csect"
Silence..... She scooped up the bouncy, my juicer, a couple outfits and some socks and hurredly paid for the items. She paid just about full price for it all too and left. Im sure she just had no words to say. 
Then a grandmother came to buy baby gear for her first born grand-daughter.
OH the commentary in that.
"I bet it is so hard to get rid of your daughters stuff"
In my head I'm thinking "Woman, you have no clue!"
She then continues "Especially those cute outfits they had pictures in and the ones that fit them so well"
UGH. She NEVER got to wear a single thing I bought her. & The only pictures I have of her, she is dead.  
I calmly replied "It is hard"

People came in and out all day. 240$ in sales in the first day. A Wednesday.
Not bad. Nothing that I was REALLY attached to sold.
Day 2. I have had 2 people so far. Not one purchase.
Again I am glad I  have not put on make up and have my trusty sunglasses because I have been balling my eyes out writing this blog post. Maybe I need more signs? I do know I need another cup of crappicino.
 Here is to the items we wish we could have used and to the hope I have that who ever picks this stuff up, gets to use it, love it, and never have grieve over it like I've had to.