Getting my head right

Its hard to get your head right when your heart hurts soooo much. People always say "mind over matter" but for me its so very different, especially now. My emotions and feelings direct my thoughts. If I care about something I will think about it, non stop. I am careful to what I think and say, because I care. When I let my thoughts run rampant, that is when people get hurt, forgotten or left behind projects or goals I put in my head. Its a hard balance to find. Do you follow your heart or follow your head? Do you try to use the powers of your mind to control your body and emotions? Where is there a balance? I am such and emotionally powered person. When I love, I really LOVE, when I am hurt, I am really hurt. When I try to get out of my heart and into my head I feel completely lost and tend to be so concentrated on the task at hand I leave the things I REALLY love and care about in the dark. Where can you find this "balance" between the heart and the mind, the tasks, the "goals"<----- something i really have none of right now besides getting out of bed everyday, exercising everyday and getting to work with out breaking down.  I'm not sure if its that I don't want to move on in my head because I will not feel that love i have for my daughter everyday as i do my others because i love and tend to them everyday all day. I show them my love for them by kissing and hugging them, caring for them, working for them, cooking for them. How do you parent a dead child?!?! How can you move on? How do you get out of your heart that is SO BROKEN and find some other "goals" or "preoccupations"  to carry on in this life with out losing some of that love or some of your self? I feel I have lost SO MUCH of myself in the last 6 years, honestly I don't know who I am. I know who I was and I miss her, i miss me. I swear i made a wrong turn somewhere and I am being punished for it. I just don't know. I don't know how to do this.  I don't know how to be this person. I am obliviously failing at it. My closest family and friends seem to agree at that too. I am so far out of who I was I have no idea where she even went or how to get back. Losing Stella blew the lid off that box and I feel I am standing on a mountain I don't even know HOW i got on in the first place and there is no way down. All I see is the failed, destructed, demolished me I once was. There is a sun in the distance, but I am not sure if it is rising or setting.


Sure I can just keep going along. Just "being" and "doing". I am sure I will be ok. But my heart will not. How can peole just let go of the things they love? Just for get it? Is that LOVE???? I just don get it.  HOW DO YOU DO THIS????