Early this morning it was unmistakably Stella in my dream.
It started with my husband and I talking about a white rabbit that he buried in the yard. He told me it was run over by a car near his grandparents house. We went to the yard to investigate and he undug it. It was a rather large white rabbit and almost looked human like. He told me he wanted the claws off the rabbit when it rotted though, but it wasn't rotting at all.
I was watching this rabbit as it morphed into a human and started breathing and moving. It reminded me of when I was holding Stella in the hospital and I swear I thought I seen her move a few times. I just looked at her waiting for her to take a breath or cry for a breast.
As this rabbit slowly morphed into a child, my child, and begin to breathe, I pulled her from the dirt and held her close. She slowly changed form from a child that looked ill to a full alive, breathing, talking little girl. Always ranging between the ages of 9 months and 15ish months. I held her and rocked her and nursed her.
Told her how much I loved her and that if I could nurse her forever to keep her alive I would. She was then about the age of 2. We were laying in bed and I was stroking her hair. It was a lite brown and had tints of auburn. She was a perfect mix of Elijah and Briana, but definitely looked more like me then Matt. She then got up and kissed me and told me she had to go, that she will be ok. I cried out for her "Please DONT go!" and reached for her as she faded away. I could feel my self slowing coming to conscious and tears welling up in my eyes. The more my mind and body came back the farther away she was. I laid in bed and sobbed for a good 1/2 hour just going over this dream and what she looked like so that I would not forget when I awoke later that morning. Her face. It was her. If that is all I get, I will take it. Thanks for the visit baby girl.......
1 comments:
So bittersweet. Hugs.
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