I've spent the last 2 weeks rummaging and posting pictures online of all the beauty that I had collected for my little girl and never got the chance to use. Everything from Bassinets to car seats and blankets. Toys, bottles, breast pumps, changing pads and a bounty of beautiful cloth diapers.
As of today I am nearly cleared out of everything. Everything but most of her cloth diapers. These I listed today on 2 different sites and sold 3 items.
I feel the ache in me, deep, but nothing comes to the surface. Maybe its manifesting on irritation?
I guess I feel I have to just let this all go. all of it. Her, her things, what was of her, what I wanted, any chance at a rainbow or being able to really use these items I put so much love into. (and so much money!)
I know I will never get out of it nearly, not any where near what I have put into it between the love or the $ and that kinda pisses me off too. I feel jipped. Ripped off completely. And I have to work hard as hell taking pics, putting prices on all of this and posting it. Then packaging it all up and shipping it off to living breathing children who get to use it. Its all been a TON of work for nothing but a broken heart and it isn't fair. I wish some one would just buy the whole damn lot and get it all over with. I feel like I'm torturing myself.
sigh..................................................
ten years
5 years ago
3 comments:
I wish I had the words to let you know how frustrated I feel for you, but I'm so so bad with words so I have nothing. But I'm sorry, still just so so sorry.
<3 sometimes just kind words or a hug does the job, thank you. (((hugs)))
This brought back memories of when I had to do this. Even though we had a rainbow and got to use a lot of stuff, the things bought specifically for Adelyn never got used since our rainbow was a boy. I know it's on a different level, but it still hurts knowing I will never get to do the little girl things again. Hugs. It is so hard. But I'm proud of you for doing it.
Post a Comment