October

October is a hard month.
Its Stella's birthday month and also pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I remember when I was still pregnant with Stella and someone put on my FB wall to "like" or "join" the pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. I hesitated at first and when I finally "joined" it became FAR more then just that. I joined that club literally just a couple weeks after that.  I get that sinking feeling inside me every time I see requests like that now.
On top of all this "grief" over October, everything else in my life seems to be crumbling too.
The fall is no longer a friend of mine. I can see how this winter is going to be already, and all I want to do is crawl under a rock and hibernate for the entire winter. I dont want to do this shit anymore.
I need to get away from all of this.
God, PLEASE just give me a break.